Little Mai Sunshine: Between I Can't And I Can
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Friday, November 13, 2015

Between I Can't And I Can


"I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to get more confident of the uncertain. I don't want to shrink back just because something isn't easy. I want to push back, and make more room in the area between I can't and I can." - Kristin Armstrong




Zara jacket // Swell jumpsuit // Forever 21 hat

If there's one thing I've learned from the "adult world" it's to develop a tough skin. A brutal lesson I encountered early on post-nurtured life and quite unfortunately through the hard way. While it may be less traumatic for some, I've experienced them with a scarred outlook. It is simply in my nature to strive for perfection and do so while making others happy. I can't help but want to make sure people perceive in a good light and I want to feel like I can provide some worth in their lives. Of course, I know better than to lead a life so consumingly as such, but like I said, it is just in my nature. As a result, I tend to let things get to me personally--when things go terribly wrong, I question myself and my character. How could I let this happen? What was I thinking? They definitely won't look at me the same anymore. And then I'm left with this uncomfortable knot in my stomach and dramatically weak to candidness, consciously aware of every action I take. It lingers inconveniently and I end up feeling naive and young, like the kind of smallness you feel when your parents yelled at you for doing something bad as a child.

As I ventured into adulthood, I realized I couldn't keep this soft nature because I'll never survive the real world this way. We've heard the saying before, "It's nothing personal, it's just business." It would be that infamous line in movies and on TV, but it didn't hold value to me until I began working myself. I made tons of mistakes as a newly employed graduate. I was naive and inexperienced. Learning was an inevitable habit I grew into after being yelled at so many times. And I would take them personally--I would beat myself up for letting my carelessness affect my work life. I would undervalue my work ethic and begin to believe I wasn't cut out for this strict adult lifestyle. My premature mind was transcending temporary bruises into permanent ones. It was only after a couple of heavy blows that I had to tell myself, I didn't want to continue like this or else I'll never make it. Business is business, and that's just how it works. There is structure and there is reason for why things work the way they do and I can't let every mishap dent my confidence and weaken my motivation. And at the end of the day, I am essentially the bottom of the hierarchy. I am accountable for a lot of the little mistakes and I can't get upset if someone is simply trying to look out for his/her business. It wasn't a question of my character and how people judge me. It wasn't a consideration of my shortcomings as a hard-worker. It was an ongoing learning process that can only strengthen my growth as a member of adult society, specifically in the business world.

I take in these little lessons and appreciate the opportunities to learn and grow, even if it means trial and error. It only means I'm closer to maturing as an adult through this time of adjustment.


Photography by Rexon Arquiza

1 comment

  1. Im still in the soft naive state but slowly Im trying to develop a thicker skin. Approaching adulthood is scaring me but the knowledge that someone like you used to be just like me, comforts and encourages me. Thank you for this post <3

    BCfactor Blog

    ReplyDelete

Friday, November 13, 2015

Between I Can't And I Can


"I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to get more confident of the uncertain. I don't want to shrink back just because something isn't easy. I want to push back, and make more room in the area between I can't and I can." - Kristin Armstrong




Zara jacket // Swell jumpsuit // Forever 21 hat

If there's one thing I've learned from the "adult world" it's to develop a tough skin. A brutal lesson I encountered early on post-nurtured life and quite unfortunately through the hard way. While it may be less traumatic for some, I've experienced them with a scarred outlook. It is simply in my nature to strive for perfection and do so while making others happy. I can't help but want to make sure people perceive in a good light and I want to feel like I can provide some worth in their lives. Of course, I know better than to lead a life so consumingly as such, but like I said, it is just in my nature. As a result, I tend to let things get to me personally--when things go terribly wrong, I question myself and my character. How could I let this happen? What was I thinking? They definitely won't look at me the same anymore. And then I'm left with this uncomfortable knot in my stomach and dramatically weak to candidness, consciously aware of every action I take. It lingers inconveniently and I end up feeling naive and young, like the kind of smallness you feel when your parents yelled at you for doing something bad as a child.

As I ventured into adulthood, I realized I couldn't keep this soft nature because I'll never survive the real world this way. We've heard the saying before, "It's nothing personal, it's just business." It would be that infamous line in movies and on TV, but it didn't hold value to me until I began working myself. I made tons of mistakes as a newly employed graduate. I was naive and inexperienced. Learning was an inevitable habit I grew into after being yelled at so many times. And I would take them personally--I would beat myself up for letting my carelessness affect my work life. I would undervalue my work ethic and begin to believe I wasn't cut out for this strict adult lifestyle. My premature mind was transcending temporary bruises into permanent ones. It was only after a couple of heavy blows that I had to tell myself, I didn't want to continue like this or else I'll never make it. Business is business, and that's just how it works. There is structure and there is reason for why things work the way they do and I can't let every mishap dent my confidence and weaken my motivation. And at the end of the day, I am essentially the bottom of the hierarchy. I am accountable for a lot of the little mistakes and I can't get upset if someone is simply trying to look out for his/her business. It wasn't a question of my character and how people judge me. It wasn't a consideration of my shortcomings as a hard-worker. It was an ongoing learning process that can only strengthen my growth as a member of adult society, specifically in the business world.

I take in these little lessons and appreciate the opportunities to learn and grow, even if it means trial and error. It only means I'm closer to maturing as an adult through this time of adjustment.


Photography by Rexon Arquiza

1 comment

  1. Im still in the soft naive state but slowly Im trying to develop a thicker skin. Approaching adulthood is scaring me but the knowledge that someone like you used to be just like me, comforts and encourages me. Thank you for this post <3

    BCfactor Blog

    ReplyDelete