Little Mai Sunshine: Keeping Thanks
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Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Keeping Thanks




"I am learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me."




Zara leather jacket // Club Monaco vest // Uniqlo shirt // H&M skirt // Ivanka Trump boots // Uniqlo beanie // Polette Eyewear sunglasses


What is success if it's not for the impending threat of failure or the luring realm of being so close but falling too soon? The glorious peak is set high enough to overcome the depths of resolute extinction, but edge too far and the tragic drop becomes greater than the efforts to climb up. Are we willing to inch further when we know the risks ride heavier with each jump? Is that the distinction between success and settlement--to openly invite the misfortunate possibilities? And if success is measured by the feeling of accomplishment, then I'll be the desperate fail because I don't believe in success, I believe in always wanting more. 


Maybe I do a little too much thinking for my own sanity, most of which comprises of grasping a better understanding of the future because let's face it, that mystical mass ahead of us is unbelievably scary. It's a foreboding unknown looming closer each day with even more unknown circumstances awaiting our attendance. And while we can't rely on the mysterious future to show us how our lives are unfolding, we certainly have our pasts to roughly orchestrate the progress we've achieved, or haven't. But my continuous problem is using my past to measure what I haven't done yet rather than acknowledge the successes I've surpassed to get to where I am today. I focus on how much I still want to do and how I haven't reached them yet, frustrated with conscious impatience and the feeling of inadequacy. And worst of all, constant comparison really hits it home for me. It's instinctively become this habit to scan the nearest individual and question why I don't have what they have already. I look at their great qualities and line them up beside my worst ones. Then I spend depressing lengths of time in a rut, mulling over my shortcomings and conceptualizing them to define my worth. It's become a vicious cycle of self-deployment, categorizing my haves and have-nots. 


So this year, I'm learning to give thanks to myself--an open letter written as a reminder that I can be thankful for the way I am, who I am, and how I am, especially the parts I refuse to recognize. I'm thanking my unresting hard work and sharp dedication for dictating a path towards achieving my goals and refusing to lose sight of it. I'm thanking my imperfections for pushing me for the better and my mistakes for teaching me the significance of always trying. I'm grateful for my overly critical self so I never settle for less than what I desire. I'm showing gratitude to the voice in my head that makes me think twice before foregoing drastic measures. These "flaws" are not indication of characteristic absences but important stressors of where I am and how I'm growing. I want to show that rather than hiding the qualities I'm ashamed of, I'm manipulating them positively in my life. I'm starting off my week of thanks by looking internally first. Thanking me for being me, and nothing else.





Photography by KMTBPhotography

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Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Keeping Thanks




"I am learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me."




Zara leather jacket // Club Monaco vest // Uniqlo shirt // H&M skirt // Ivanka Trump boots // Uniqlo beanie // Polette Eyewear sunglasses


What is success if it's not for the impending threat of failure or the luring realm of being so close but falling too soon? The glorious peak is set high enough to overcome the depths of resolute extinction, but edge too far and the tragic drop becomes greater than the efforts to climb up. Are we willing to inch further when we know the risks ride heavier with each jump? Is that the distinction between success and settlement--to openly invite the misfortunate possibilities? And if success is measured by the feeling of accomplishment, then I'll be the desperate fail because I don't believe in success, I believe in always wanting more. 


Maybe I do a little too much thinking for my own sanity, most of which comprises of grasping a better understanding of the future because let's face it, that mystical mass ahead of us is unbelievably scary. It's a foreboding unknown looming closer each day with even more unknown circumstances awaiting our attendance. And while we can't rely on the mysterious future to show us how our lives are unfolding, we certainly have our pasts to roughly orchestrate the progress we've achieved, or haven't. But my continuous problem is using my past to measure what I haven't done yet rather than acknowledge the successes I've surpassed to get to where I am today. I focus on how much I still want to do and how I haven't reached them yet, frustrated with conscious impatience and the feeling of inadequacy. And worst of all, constant comparison really hits it home for me. It's instinctively become this habit to scan the nearest individual and question why I don't have what they have already. I look at their great qualities and line them up beside my worst ones. Then I spend depressing lengths of time in a rut, mulling over my shortcomings and conceptualizing them to define my worth. It's become a vicious cycle of self-deployment, categorizing my haves and have-nots. 


So this year, I'm learning to give thanks to myself--an open letter written as a reminder that I can be thankful for the way I am, who I am, and how I am, especially the parts I refuse to recognize. I'm thanking my unresting hard work and sharp dedication for dictating a path towards achieving my goals and refusing to lose sight of it. I'm thanking my imperfections for pushing me for the better and my mistakes for teaching me the significance of always trying. I'm grateful for my overly critical self so I never settle for less than what I desire. I'm showing gratitude to the voice in my head that makes me think twice before foregoing drastic measures. These "flaws" are not indication of characteristic absences but important stressors of where I am and how I'm growing. I want to show that rather than hiding the qualities I'm ashamed of, I'm manipulating them positively in my life. I'm starting off my week of thanks by looking internally first. Thanking me for being me, and nothing else.





Photography by KMTBPhotography

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