This is the first time I've done anything like this:
Choreograph a dance piece. Invest my heart into it. Make a video for it. Share it with the public.
But I felt I owed it to myself and the people who believed in this vision to see it for its deeper worth beyond its creative scope. When I first heard this song, of course, it was the musicality that grappled my attention. But it wasn't until I understood the lyrics that it really resonated more with an inner rhythm than I had anticipated.
Sometimes the head rules the heart. Sometimes the heart rules the head. I have always struggled with articulating the constant battle I have between my heart and my head--feeling victim to either one's intense entice. A martyr to my mental's obligations. An adherent to my chaotic emotions. And at times, the only real compromise was self-sabotage, to disallow true happiness if it meant guarding the sensibility of my heart and the disarray of my mind. My every decision depended on the balance between the two and what sacrifices I was willing to accept for the lesser pain. Sometimes it’s easier to take the route of pain and let the ego overrule all. I've found myself staring at a dead end one too many times, feeling like giving up was the only escape to this destructive nature so purely tuned to my being. So painfully exhausted by the merciless drags from either end of my humanly spectrum. How do I protect my heart but listen to my head? Most of the time, it seems as though neither is telling the truth--I'm just constantly manipulated by my suspecting ego. Wanting to detach myself from the raw travesty of my fragile structure. Hating the eyes staring back at me in the mirror. But begging for forgiveness to endure through this inner battle.
But as much as this personal war drains the ecstatic soul in me, I can't help but be deeply attached to the great flaws of both. My deranged mind, so insane and abstract, paints perspectives wildly imaginable and makes me appreciate the creative value of every worth. My sentimental heart, so sensitive and passionate, is rooted within my strong emotions and I find lifelong loves in the simplest of places. It is hard to accept the person I am when I am constantly fighting to be something else, but it's even harder to deny myself the opportunity to happiness because I am preoccupied by the demands of my emotions and mental sanity.
Anyways, this piece visually explains a glimpse of what it's like to live with this kind of struggle. Whether it's a common crusade most people share or one I've found myself walking alone in, I'm opening up anyways. This is my fragmented art.
Song by Flume ft. Kai
Choreography by me (with help from Derek Moore)
Videography by Rexon Arquiza