Impatience
"This is one more piece of advice I have for you: don’t get impatient. Even if things are so tangled up you can’t do anything, don’t get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it’s ready to come undone. You have to realize it’s going to be a long process and that you’ll work on things slowly, one at a time.”
// H&M jacket // Forever 21 top and tunic // Polo RL jeans // H&M beanie // Aldo gloves //
It hadn't occurred to me that patience is a concept of metamorphosis. It changes with time and matures synonymously with our perception. What once was defined by the span of tolerance one can endure while waiting for food to arrive, or the casual acceptance of a friend's relatively delayed response, has incurred a deeper meaning of the word as experiences stack up and perspective endows.
Recently, I've realized that I'm not as patient as I thought I was. And I don't mean I can't wait 20 extra minutes on a subway with railroad difficulties, or that I am staring at my phone dubiously until my significant texter finally replies back (although, waiting for food is a whole other story). I mean the kind of patience I have with myself. I've become increasingly impatient with the time it takes me to become who I want to become. I've grown intolerant of what is now, refusing to take a moment and let the presence thoroughly sink in my veins before I'm rushing on to the next great adventure. I only crave more of what I'm still hoping to pursue and it drives me madly self-dissatisfied. There's a part of me that believes in deserting it all together and starting anew because I'm frustrated with the energy I waste to forthcome hurriedness. It comes with the fact that I am a perfectionist habitually comparing myself to the next best thing. And in order to compensate that differentiating gap, I feel the need to push myself further and faster to fill that inadequate void.
I'm appreciating the extensive capacity of patience. I want to allow the spaces between transformations as breathing room for contentedness. I want to fully inhale the calm, still air and stand grateful for this knotted life, studying the very intricacies of entanglement that make up what is here and now.
Photography by KMTBPhotography