A Thousand Lonelinesses
"Yes, you can love the river. The knife. The pills. / The wine. You can love a thousand lonelinesses."
Thrifted top // Forever 21 shorts //
necklace // Zara heels //
sunglasses
As a treacherous twenty-something, I am bound to reiterated moments shared by other twenty-somethings. Common picturesque events indelibly posted on the average social media escapades. I love the quaint little coffeeshop as much as the next city girl does. I enjoy my pumpkin-flavored everything in the wake of October as much as every autumn lover does. I snap my classic Instagram photo as any creative-eyed junkie would. But the experience I attach my heart onto will never align with yours or hers or the next wanderer passing by. We are unwittingly and graciously human in that very sense--committing our hearts in our own ways to the moments we lay.
I recently went pumpkin-picking and apple-picking with some friends to celebrate the crisp, cooler temperatures and warm blended reds and oranges. Fall is my favorite season for many reasons and this so happens to be one of those reasons: bundled up in big scarfs, sipping on hot apple cider while frolicking in pumpkin patches and corn mazes with my suburban friends. Call me "basic" but I realized that these are the simple moments I subconsciously long for. And when I say simple, I mean it in the stripped down, plain and bare, unelaborate and vanilla sense. Amidst all the NYC excitement and adrenaline I partake in on the daily--dressed up to the city fashion standard, attending wild events, meeting an eclectic variety of ambitioners--I still have a small town heart attached to the simplicity of the modest. As I was laughing away my rare moments with longtime friends, I was simultaneously getting lost in its loneliness. The open field of dispersed orange and white pumpkins laid out vastly, the chilling sun beaming down with bright yellow rays, the crimson aroma of autumn's ripe presence. I am serenely lost and in love with it all. Their still unassuming existence, unregarded and desolate, grasp onto my affinity for solitude and fill that void with peaceful ambiance. These are the times I feel refreshed and relaxed in juxtaposition to my hustle and bustle of a city girl's life.
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