[ FshnBnkr ] Other Stains
"I see that there will be no end to imperfection, or to doing things the wrong way. Even if you grow up, no matter how hard you scrub, whatever you do, there will always be some other stain or spot on your face or stupid act, somebody frowning."
Thrifted denim jacket // Missguided bralette top // Zara shirt //
c/o
// Swell heels
I read this quote that went something like "Young and foolish or old and foolish-er." I was immediately drawn to it. Maybe for the simple fact that my favorite quote ("I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.") is just as similar. But sitting with it in my head for a while, I realized how true the words rung. We may acquire more insight, but that doesn't mean we've become smarter.
The idea of being old commonly runs synonymous with the notion of being more knowledgable. The years you obtain grows increasingly in depth with the maturity you inherit. While that may be true, I've also learned that knowledge is not the same as judgment and the older we get, our judgment skews with bleak dents. When we were younger, we were naive but that made us more imaginative, more experiential, more willing--we had momentum. We looked forward to simple things like Saturday morning cartoons, or taking a trip to the city because the city seemed so big. Our minds ran smooth with bright observations and open embrace. We were as strong as the dreams we allowed ourselves to have and that was enough to be happy.
But circumstances made us wary and we grew cautious of what wasn't real. Right and wrong became as contrasted as white and black--we were trained to categorize life in that specificity. Our purpose now treads narrowly as we look for reason and logic to justify imperfections. As we grow older, we struggle to find balance amongst the few things that satisfy us. Walking a tightrope towards peace and perfection, tiptoeing on the edge of fear and disappointment. We've created an obstacle course trying to avoid the inevitable towards a single destination that only exists in our minds. What once was a vast world of colorful what-ifs and maybes and one-days in our young eyes shrunk into a fragile island of cautionary calculations. And no matter how hard we try, there will always be something wrong or something missing or something less than what we've strived for. But that's the foolishness in us all--we've succumbed to leading a smaller life, naive to a worried reality.
Photography by KMTBPhotography